When You’re Losing Your Cool but Still Need to Love Your Kids

We all know that being a mother isn’t easy. So what do you do when you’re losing your cool with your kids but still need to love them? Tanya White is back with this very relatable piece.

What do you do when you're losing your cool with your kids? #motherhood #parenting

When You’re Losing Your Cool but Still Need to Love Your Kids

By Tanya White

Have you ever had those days when the children have just been misbehaving and everything that you hoped wouldn’t happen did?

A few days ago, things were going crazy and I was becoming unglued. I was extremely annoyed and frustrated.

The Hectic Day

The children had been particularly noisy that day, and I can only tolerate so much noise. I like to slip away for some quiet time to think and reflect on things. But with my children, this has become nearly impossible to do except at night, when I should be resting.

On this particular day, the noise level was beyond bearable. It was too much for me and I kept giving warnings followed by consequences. I sent them to separate rooms to be quiet, sat them next to me, and put away toys. After each punishment, the noise level decreased. Yet, after a few minutes, the noise level again rose to unbearable levels.

My daughter then began to whine about everything under the sun. She cried for this, she moaned about that. I was becoming very annoyed by the noise, the bickering, and the whining.

We took a snack break during this time. I hoped for a kind of reset to the day. But, during our snack break the children played at the table and (of course!) the drink spilled.

At this point, I looked around the house and it was a total mess. The floor was wet and toys were everywhere. The children were loud and bouncing off the walls with energy. My head was hurting. I could feel my frustration level rising.

Love is patient and kind. Love bears all things…Love endures…

“How do I show love when things have gone awry and I am feeling like I am about to lose my calm?”

It is in times when I am feeling extremely frazzled by all the things that are going wrong that love must be displayed.

I have had times when I have snapped or gotten visibly annoyed or angry with the children when they have been disobedient, cranky, whiny, making messes, loud, or rude. I know that no matter what is happening around me, my response should always be in love. But some days it takes a bit more energy to show love than others. Yet, it is on those days that it must be shown even more.

Some days our kids drive us crazy! #quotes #motherhood #mother #love

Into the bathroom I went and closed the door. I silently prayed.

“Father, give me strength. I am so frustrated now. The house is a complete mess. The children are not listening and they are being so loud that I can hardly think. Help me to be calm and kind and patient. Take charge of this day. Amen”

“Mommy, my tower broke down!” Wails followed.

I took a few deep breaths. “Do you want me to help you build it back?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said through the cries.

I sat with my daughter and helped her rebuild her tower. She smiled when the tower was finished. I was calm, and she was happy and feeling loved.

The day carried on almost as it had begun. The children were still noisy. But, somehow things went better. Things always go better when love is shown. You don’t have to deal with everything going wrong plus overwhelming negative emotions and children who are acting out of hurt. Instead, love lets you face the situation with a pleasant attitude with the grace and peace which only love can bring.

Some days how we show our love feels more intentional than normal days, but that is okay. Love is not just love in the good times. Love is love, even when we are most unglued.

About Tanya White

My name is Tanya and I blog at God’s Character, where I look at who God is and what He had done for us. Sometimes you will find posts about homeschooling, parenting and family life. As for me personally, I love singing, crafting, sewing, cooking, doing science experiments (the simple stuff), being outdoors in nature and teaching. I have written a few songs over the years and hopefully I will release them for the world to hear. Until then, I mainly sing for my family and church.

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12 thoughts on “When You’re Losing Your Cool but Still Need to Love Your Kids

  1. Anne | onedeterminedlife

    Some days parenting is so hard. Most times it has nothing to do with what my kids are doing but my mood and perspective that makes me go nuts! I find my hormones effect my parenting as well. I am shorter with the kids (and my husband) when I have pjs.


    1. Lauren C. Moye

      Anne, thank you for sharing with us. I agree with you; it is often my own mood that is making me upset rather than the antics of my daughter and cat. I appreciate the comment and I’m sure that Tanya does as well.


  2. Rebekah

    This is so true! I find that I can keep my cool for a bit, but after things start piling on top of each other, like you had with all the noise, the patience gets drained quickly. I have found these things helpful to reset our day: http://survivingtoddlerhood.com/2015/12/14/dear-tired-toddler-mom/


    1. Lauren C. Moye

      Rebekah, thank you for stopping by and leaving an additional resource. I’m sure my readers will appreciate it!


  3. Ellen @ Mommy Happiness

    This is such a great reminder! I have definitely been there! I admire how you stepped away to pray to gain composure…I need to do that next time! Thank you for this post! 💗


    1. Lauren C. Moye

      Ellen, I think all Moms reach this point! Thank you for visiting and for leaving a comment. I’m glad that Tanya’s post has resonated with you.


  4. Crystal

    I have so been in your shoes! With two young boys only 2 years apart, it gets loud and whiny up in here! I have also been known to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes of quiet… until my youngest discovers that I am missing. 🙂 I’m thankful for a God who shows grace and is teaching me to do the same.


    1. Lauren C. Moye

      Crystal, thank you for sharing. I appreciate your comment and I’m sure that Tanya does as well.


  5. Mari Jones

    I smile, remembering fondly the time I locked myself in my prayer closet as the tornado of children chaos broke loose in the house. My oldest called his aunt…”can you come over, mom’s locked in the prayer closet, we need an adult”…those moments are tough. There is always a lesson hiding in the storm!


    1. Lauren C. Moye

      Mari, that is hilarious! I feel like some days I can join you. I just want to take a deep breath and go sit on the porch outside – but I know that won’t do anything but upset my daughter and the cat even more.


  6. Gina B

    Deep breaths are must!! When my kids were in daycare, I would LOSE IT before they got out the door, every. Single. Morning. It took a lot of work, but I realized that my frustration was fueling their bad behavior. I prayed about it and found a series of steps particular (breath, step back, give myself a time out) that helped me diffuse. Kids are in middle school now, and we’ve not had a bad morning since I changed my ways and took the time to make it habit. Look at the situation that makes you the most upset, pray for guidance and do what you need to diffuse the situation and what leads to it. (In the mornings, I’d run late making me stressed out and trigger sensitive, so I had to also do steps to make sure I was never running late again.)


    1. Lauren C. Moye

      Gina, thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience. I’m sure other readers will find it helpful!


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